Every day, people ask me what I’m going to be when I grow up. For us kids in our mid-20’s and 30’s, this means which medical field we’re going to specialize in when we graduate in a year and a half. To me this is a tough question, kind of like “What is the meaning of life?” The answer is a really big commitment.
But I’ve been going about it all wrong.
I thought that finding a specialty was like finding a husband: “In a perfect moment, I will simply know that my life was meant for __.” In my perfect specialty, I will maximize all of my talents, I will adore the patient population, I will save lives in the most glorious of ways, and I will be happy every single moment. I will withhold my decision until that specialty comes along. (Turns out, that’s not how you find a husband either.)
It’s not that those things won’t be true in the life I choose. It’s that those things don’t come pre-packaged.
For me, and I think for most people, there are many ways to be happy. And this is why I’ve been running around in circles trying to figure out how to align my preferences: if I like cutting, if I like thinking, if I want to treat diabetes or gallbladders, etc., etc., etc. But that’s like comparing apples and oranges when what you need to do is make some lemonade: It’s not about your wish list. It’s about making the best of what you’re given. Because if you’re opinionated enough, every last possible choice has at least one deal-breaker.
I’ve finally stopped thinking about what I want to do, and started thinking about the kind of person I want to be.
I want to be a good colleague. Someone who is kind, fun, and competent, who adapts easily to challenges, and who takes things in stride. I want to be a good wife and mother. One who listens and heals and strengthens. I can’t afford to crash when I get home each day, or take out all my work anger on my family. I want to be a good person. I don’t want to constantly yell at others to get their work done. I want to be the doctor who respects nurses, scrub techs, cafeteria workers… because we are all human beings. The answer then becomes obvious: I will choose something less stressful than what I think I can handle. Because whatever I do, I should do with grace.
Truth is, I’ve seen enough frantic, stressed-out people who claim to be doing what they love most. Choosing a career is about finding a way to serve, uplift, and bring about the best in others. And these are daily choices, moment-to-moment choices. Obviously there is not a single specialty that would automatically make me all of the things I want to be. That’s why it’s dangerous to think that it’s a once-in-a-lifetime choice: once you’ve committed, the work has only just begun.
November 13, 2011 at 11:52 AM
Wow… once again that is awesome advice. I agree. At the end of life… and more important… beyond this mortal life… it is about who we become… who we are… not how famous or rich we were along the way. And when we can put down our roots and bless those around us we will ultimately do more good than those constantly trying to find the “perfect” time and place to serve. Thanks again for your inspired remarks!
November 13, 2011 at 10:47 PM
THANK YOU. YOU SPOKE TRUTH.